


Let Me In

by KillianJones32



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Lukas has a bad dream and calls Philip, M/M, Nightmares, Philip comforts him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 10:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8485408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillianJones32/pseuds/KillianJones32
Summary: “Lukas? Is everything alright?”
There’s nothing but dim static for a few seconds, Philip’s heart thumps loudly in his chest and he’s about to suggest that he cycles over to Lukas’s right then and there when Lukas finally whispers,
“Sorry…sorry I…I don’t know why I called you…”





	

...

Philip groans under his breath as he slowly begins to gain consciousness.

It takes him a minute to realise what woke him up, the sky outside is still pitch black, the birds in this small town haven’t awoken yet to wake him with their chirping and Philip is half expecting to hear the sound of his mother throwing up down the hall, going through another one of her withdrawals.

Philip is used to that, waking up to help his mother who’s suffering and he doesn’t mind it, he’s been helping her through those withdrawals ever since he was a child but he’s not with his mother now so what woke him up?

That’s when he hears it, the faint sound of a song coming from the pocket of his jeans that he carelessly threw onto his desk chair before going to bed.

Philip frowns, he doesn’t know that song, why is it on his phone?

A second later, his eyes shoot open and in the blink of an eye he has leapt from the bed as he races across the room.

That song is Lukas’s favourite song. Lukas told him it weeks ago during a study class they had together.

Philip had pretended to like the band just like he had pretended to like motorcycles because he pathetically hoped it would make Lukas attracted to him.

Philip downloaded the song a few days after that and when Lukas gave him his number to arrange a day when Philip could take pictures of him on his bike; Philip set that song as Lukas’s contact ringtone.

But it was the middle of the night so why was Lukas calling him?

Philip answered the phone just in time and hurriedly asked in his hoarse sleepy voice,

“Lukas? Is everything alright?”

There’s nothing but dim static for a few seconds, Philip’s heart thumps loudly in his chest and he’s about to suggest that he cycles over to Lukas’s right then and there when Lukas finally whispers,

“Sorry…sorry I…I don’t know why I called you…”

Philip swallows; he quietly tiptoes back to his bed and sits down slowly. He desperately tries not to acknowledge the pang in his heart at Lukas’s words.

“Did something happen?” Philip questions softly

In the stillness of the room, Philip can hear the torturous sound of Lukas’s ragged breathing through the phone and he hates it. He hates that something or someone has made Lukas feel so awful that he felt like he had to call Philip in the dead of night.

“I just…it’s stupid.”

“Lukas…”

Philip wants to tell Lukas that he can tell him anything. He wants to promise that he won’t judge him, that he’ll be here for Lukas as long as he can be. He wishes that he could tell Lukas that he cares about him but he can’t, he shouldn’t because Lukas isn’t ready and because Philip knows it’ll hurt him too much when Lukas turns him away again.

“It was a nightmare okay?” Lukas reveals hurriedly “And it’s stupid because it wasn’t really about…that night. Well it kind of was. I don’t remember much. Just…the turkeys and the…the gunshots.”

Philip closes his eyes and inhales sharply.

It happens to him too, he’ll be walking in the hallways at school or talking amicably to Helen or Gabe and then suddenly he’s back there. In the cold cabin, pressed underneath the bed, his breathing far too loud and he’s clutching that leather jacket to his chest like his life depends on it, and he supposes his life really did depend on it.

He can’t even look at that jacket now. Not after Tommy and Tracey.

In these situations, Philip guesses that he should say something along the lines of ‘It was just a nightmare’ or ‘It wasn’t real’. But those cheesy lines don’t really work when the things you’re dreaming of actually happened, especially when the reality was far worse than the dream itself.

“I…would you like to talk about it?” Philip hesitatingly asks, unsure of how best to approach this situation without hurting Lukas further.

Lukas’s breathing sounds more shaky now and Philip tries not to assume that Lukas is crying because then it would take everything in him not to go straight to Lukas’s house and Philip’s not sure he’s strong enough to not do that.

“You were right” Lukas replies a minute later, his voice low and resigned “You were right, it’s never going to end until we tell.”

Philip looks down at the hand in his lap and it’s only then he realises that his hands are trembling. This really isn’t the conversation two people should have at 3 o’clock in the morning. But Lukas and Philip certainly aren’t regular people and Philip is lucky enough that Lukas gives him the time of day as it is.

“But I…” Lukas continues and Philip inwardly sighs, this was it, what he knew was coming “I still can’t tell anyone Philip, I just can’t.”

“Can’t we just…” Philip rubs his hand over his forehead, “Can’t we just tell them but…lie about what we were doing there?”

It seems like the obvious solution and he’s confused as to why Lukas won’t just do that. It’s not like he hasn’t lied to Helen before, they both have. 

“That won’t work.” Lukas’s voice is soft and resolved as if he’s thought about this a hundred times before.

“Why won’t it?” Philip tries not to sound too demanding but he can’t help it, “I mean all we have to say is that we were hanging out or talking about bikes or even drinking ourselves stupid. Nobody needs to know that you and I were…nobody needs to know what we were doing there Lukas.”

“I’ll tell them anyway. If I start to tell them then I’ll just break down and tell them everything that happened. I won’t be able to lie about some things and tell the truth about others. I know I…I know I come off as an asshole who loves lying and cheating and who doesn’t care but I…I do Philip and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry but I can’t tell. I just-“ Lukas’s voice cuts off with a sharp sob.

Philip can just imagine Lukas sitting up in his bed, his head leaning against his wall, eyes shut with tears streaming down his beautiful face and Philip can feel himself start to crumble as well.

“We don’t…we don’t have to tell okay?” Philip assures him, trying to calm Lukas down.

“But-“

“No, no buts” Philip interrupts gently “We’ll, we’ll work it out alright? That…that guy he’s not looking for us, not anymore. We’re safe. You’re safe Lukas. What happened at the cabin wasn’t your fault, what happened to the turkeys wasn’t your fault. I promise. We’ll…we’ll find a way to move past this, I know we will but…it would help if you just…let me in.”

There’s a pregnant pause and Philip holds his breath, his stomach is in knots and he’s terrified that he’s said the wrong thing.

“Alright”

Philip’s shining brown eyes widen in the dark.

“Alright?”

Lukas laughs but it’s not his real laugh. It’s the laugh he uses to get his friends off his back, the laugh he uses around Rose, the laugh he emits when he’s drunk and desperately trying to forget what he’s done.

“I said it didn’t I? And I meant it but…” Lukas’s demeanour changes from scarily light-hearted to suddenly somber, “But we take it slow okay? I’m still not…not sure about…me and I’m not telling anyone anything.”

“I’m not asking you to.” Philip insists.

Maybe if it was the daytime and if his head was a little clearer, Philip wouldn’t have said that.

Because the truth was Philip desperately wanted Lukas to be ready. He wants Lukas to break up with Rose, to try and come to terms with his sexuality and to try and accept Philip and their fucked up relationship so they can actually try to have something real that’s not based on kissing or getting each other off or lies about murders.

But right now, Philip is willing to say just about anything just so Lukas feels better. Because that’s what Lukas needs right now and Philip can’t be selfish, he knows Lukas needs him so he’s going to do his best to comfort him from so far away.

“Philip?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not your fault either. Tommy and Tracey, I know you blame yourself but it’s not your fault. Just like the turkeys aren’t mine, okay?”

Philip’s never talked about how he feels about Tommy and Tracey. He never told Lukas of the blame he put on himself. Yet somehow Lukas knows.

Philip tries not to think about how strange it is that Philip has only known Lukas for around two months but still Lukas is able to see right through that carefully built wall that Philip put up so long ago.

The thought should scare him, it should terrify him, so why doesn’t it?

Philip opens and closes his mouth twice, struggling to find the right words to say before finally settling on,

“Thanks Luke.”

Lukas doesn’t respond for a few minutes and Philip is beginning to get worried when he hears a tired mumble of, “I like it when you call me that.”

Even though he’s all alone, Philip still raises an eyebrow and his lips quirk upwards ever so slightly,

“Yeah?”

Lukas makes a soft affirmative noise and Philip can tell that Lukas is going to fall asleep soon.

“Lukas? Do you want to go to sleep?”

Philip hears soft shifting of some blankets and he knows Lukas is settling himself back into bed.

“Yeah…yeah we should both probably get some rest.”

Philip nods into the dark and shifts himself to the top of his own bed.

“Alright, I suppose I’ll hang up then.”

“Wait” Lukas’s voice rises and Philip hears a hint of panic there “I…could you just…stay here for a bit?”

“What?”

“Fuck that’s stupid okay never mind.”

“Nothing you say is stupid Lukas” Philip promises “So what can I do?”

Lukas takes a second, as if he’s taking in what Philip just said.

“Your voice I…it just calms me and I don’t know I thought it might help me sleep. It’s selfish and you need sleep too so please just go because I was just being-“

“I don’t have many happy stories I can tell you to help you sleep but I can try to think of one if you’d like?”

Philip waits with an anxious breath until finally Lukas responds,

“Thank you.”

Philip smiles and bites back a ‘no problem’ from escaping his lips.

“Sleep well Lukas”

Lukas’s mumbles something incoherent and then Philip begins to retell the story of the time when he was 3 and his mother lost him in the zoo. Recounting how he wasn’t even scared because he was so young and all he cared about were these marvellous creatures surrounding him that he’d never seen before.

He remembers how once his mother found him, she held him close in her thin, frail arms and swore that she’d never take him to the zoo again. She kept her word on that which was one of the only promises Philip wished that she had broken.

When Philip knows that Lukas is asleep, he allows himself to whisper,

“Maybe on our next trip to the city, you and I can go to the zoo.” Philip grins “You’d fit right in there.”

Philip imagines the harsh slap on the shoulder that Lukas would give him if he were in person and heard him say that.

But from the deep sounds of Lukas’s breathing through the phone, Philip knows that he’s fast asleep and that he should really hang up now as to not waste all of Lukas’s credit.

“Goodnight Luke” Philip whispers before ending the call.

He doesn’t turn his phone off though. Instead as he crawls into bed he leaves it on the bedside dresser with the sound turned up.

Just in case Lukas needs to call him again.

For the rest of the night Philip dreams of animals and of a genuinely happy laughing Lukas and Philip hopes that on the other side of town, Lukas is having similar lovely dreams too.

...


End file.
